Update...Check Out My Website at kathiek.com!!

Clearly, I haven't written in a while...at least, not on this blog. I have been working on two websites (the first one is for me; the second one is for my teaching job and will not be available to the general public). The first one, called Below the Surface, is now up and running. Click here to check it out. I am attempting to post fairly regularly on the blog on my website, so I may not post to this blog for a while. I am not ready to give this one up yet (I really like it), but juggling two websites and a blog is something I am not quite ready to attempt. I hope you will visit my website and check it often. I will be updating it with new blog posts and podcast episodes, hopefully once a week (at least for the blog, new podcast episodes will probably not occur as often).

Other news:

• My son seems to be doing better. We are hopeful that he will continue to work on issues and make good decisions. Please continue to pray as you are led.
• I have submitted an article (more later) and I am waiting to find out if it will be accepted.
• I have made an inquiry about voice-over work and rates with a talent agency in Philadelphia and I am waiting to hear from them.
• My summer vacation ends August 31. It seems my school will remain open. By God's grace, enrollment will increase.

I would certainly appreciate your prayers, as God leads you, in each of these areas. Thank you for all your prayer, encouraging words, and support. You are all (and you know who you are) a great blessing to me! God bless you and fill you with His grace and peace.

A Plea for Prayer

Please continue to stand with me and my family in prayer. The news regarding my son is not good; in fact, every time we hear something, it is worse than we thought. It's like a nightmare from which we cannot awake. Our hearts are broken. "Sadness consumes most of [our] days", as my husband said in a recent e-mail to our son.

Celebrity, in My Opinion

Many people have had much to say regarding the passing of Michael Jackson. Whatever your thoughts about him, it must be acknowledged that he made a huge impact on the entertainment industry, as well as our culture...that is an undisputed fact. I am not here to sing his praises, nor am I here to judge him. Plenty of people are doing that already, we do not need my voice added to the mix. I do not know all the facts of his life, none of us do. We may think we know who he was or was not and what he did or did not do, but in reality, we only know in part. Unless we took part in some action or event, or were a direct witness to it, or a beneficiary or victim of it, can we ever really know the whole truth of it? Unless we know all the facts pertaining to any given subject, whatever we might say about it is only conjecture and opinion. We certainly may choose to air our opinions, but that is all they are...opinions. We may hold them dearly and believe them deeply, but that does not change what they are.

Something else that does not change is the way we make celebrities of people. We honor people for any number of things: their gifts and talents, their looks, their money, their fashion, their influence, their intelligence, the list goes on. Of course, honor should be given, where it is due, but I am not talking about that. I am talking about the way we admire, even idolize people. We put these people on pedestals and they become the recipients of our adulation.

When they and their pedestals crack, as they invariably do, we are only too happy to turn on them. We turn on them because we can now see their frailty, their imperfection, their corruption, their humanity. They are flawed, after all. Their flaws are more visible to the general populace because of the celebrity we gave them. When that happens, their celebrity becomes tarnished and they shine less brightly in our eyes. What must be remembered is that we are all imperfect because we are all human. Maybe we have different flaws or imperfections, but we still have them. When we put a flawed human being on a pedestal as an object of our adulation or worship, we will eventually experience disappointment because that person was never meant to be the recipient of our worship. That position may only be rightfully filled by the One who is without imperfection. He alone is worthy to receive our worship.

Free

With what words can I

express my gratitude

for the freedom

I have found in You?

What words I could say

would not be enough to

convey the debt

of love I owe You.

I was imprisoned...

held fast by strong chains of

my own making,

forged in fear and sin.

Miraculously,

Your love came rushing in,

striking those chains

and setting me free.

Redeemed and released...

how can it be that I

could ever know 

such joy, such freedom?

My joy is in You,

as is the hope that I

will no longer

imprison myself.

Captivated by

You alone, no longer

bound to this world,

nor constrained by sin...

free to soar above

confusion, shame, and fear...

I fly to You.

Your love gives me wings.

Three Steps Forward...Four Steps Back?

In my last post (oh so long ago) I wrote about what seemed like a positive step my son was taking.  The saying "three steps forward, two steps back", however, just does not begin to cover his present circumstances.  That would imply some progress was being made, no matter how slowly.  At present, it seems as if my son was moving backward...three steps forward, four steps back.  If any progress is being made it is not visible to the naked eye.  I am trusting that God's vision is far better than my own, though I must admit this walking by faith, not by sight gig is not an easy one at times.  Still, I don't know a better way than that to keep hopelessness at bay.          

A Step in the Right Direction

There is a saying, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."  I am hopeful that my son has taken that first step.  I am writing this to inform those of you who have been so kind to offer up prayers on behalf of my family.  I would like to ask you, as the Lord leads, to continue praying for God's best for my family, for we are not out of the woods yet.  All my family is under my roof right now, which makes me so very happy, but I realize this could still unravel if things aren't addressed, owned up to, and dealt with...and, of course, the best news of all would be if my son returned to the Lord.  Having said that, I am still hopeful that everything will work out for the best.  That is because, as I said in my last post, my hope is in God...

Confessions From A Mother's Heart

No one ever told me about the crushing pain you experience when your child, particularly your grown child, breaks your heart.  Maybe people keep that to themselves so you won’t be sworn off the whole idea of becoming a parent.  If we looked into the future and saw the heartache and disappointment there, would we be so willing to procreate?  I realize this sounds cynical, even bleak, and I promise you this is not my natural tendency.  I am usually a very positive, cheerful person.  At this particular point in time, however, I am struggling with the attitudes and actions of my adult child.  

I knew nothing of these struggles when I realized I was going to have a child.  I had not had time to think too long on the subject before I found out I was going to have a baby.  My husband and I had not been married 4 months when I became pregnant after a moment of New Year’s Eve spontaneity.  Prior to this, when people asked me when we would start a family, I had always jokingly replied, “Not less than a year, not more than 3!”  When we discovered we were expecting, I laughed, thinking God had played an amusing little joke on me, as if to let me know He had His own timetable I had never bothered to consult!  I didn’t mind, though.  I was thrilled by the idea of having a baby.  I had a great pregnancy.  I never got sick, not once.  I was merely nauseous for one day and that was it.  I did have 16 hours of back labor, but the pain was completely gone once he was born, so I could hardly be upset by such a little thing as that.  And he was gorgeous!  He was such a healthy, beautiful baby boy.

As my beautiful boy grew, so did my love for him.  It was amazing, that love, it was so instant.  Even before he was born, I loved him.  I loved the idea of him growing in my body, but that love was nothing compared to the love I felt for him when I saw him for the first time.   It was so deep and fierce and protective, and it grew as he did.  My husband and I took him everywhere in the beginning.  I didn’t want to be separated from him.  What an amazing capacity to love God gives us.  It is just a small taste of the love He has for us. 

The love God has for us is all-encompassing.  He knew and loved us before we were born, as well.  The difference is that God’s love for us was at it’s apex from the moment He created mankind.  He already knew what he would have to do to keep us with Him, to keep us from being eternally separated from Him because of sin.  He would have to give up His own son to make a way.  That is beyond my comprehension.  I think it is so hard to understand because I could not imagine ever having to give up my only son.  

Giving up my son is exactly what I have had to do, in a manner of speaking.  I have given him to the Lord many times throughout his 24+ years.  Happily, at first, when he was dedicated to the Lord shortly after his birth.  The next time I can recall giving him to the Lord was during a meeting at church quite a few years ago.  I had the distinct feeling that God was asking me for my son.  I remember raising my arms as if I was handing him up to God.  I heard Him ask me again to give Him my son, but this time He added, “as Abraham gave Isaac”.  I put down my arms and cried out, “No!”.  After some time, however, I realized that my son was safer with the Lord than anywhere else, and if Abraham could trust God to provide, or to raise up his son, so could I, so I said yes to the Lord and raised my arms to Him again.  Little did I know what that action would come to mean until now.  I haven’t thought of that in a long time.  Recent events brought it to mind as I began to write this.  As my son entered adolescence and began to question the existence of God, as he walked away from God and began to make some very bad decisions, I had to regularly put him in God’s hands.  Most recently, it has been a weekly, if not daily, exercise of mine to release my son into the hands of our merciful God.  I have asked Him to “do whatever it takes” to remove the blindfold the enemy has placed over my son’s eyes, to open my son’s eyes to the truth, to reveal God’s constant love for my son, to protect my son from the work of the enemy while God pursues him, and to restore my son to a right relationship with God. 

A relationship with God is the best thing for my son, no matter what it takes for God to persuade him of this.  I am standing in faith that this horrible tear in the fabric of our family will one day be mended.  I have to believe that God will safeguard my son and bring good out of all of this pain and sorrow.  I have to remind myself that God gave up so much more than I ever could to see him restored.  I am leaning into Jesus and the peace He provides to get through each day.  I am putting my hope in my faithful God, however, not my son.  Come what may, I know hope in God will not disappoint.                                          

                           

Let everything Else Go

Sometimes you just have to let things go.  It is not always easy, certainly, but it is a necessity at times.  Our tendency is to want to hold on~be it material possessions, relationships, opinions, or beliefs~we don't like to be told to let go.  Maybe we feel entitled to what we have, especially in America!  Don't tell me I can't have something, do something, or say something...I know my "rights"!  

Even as Christians, this assertion of our rights runs rampant.  If I were to tell you that everything you have is a gift from the hand of a gracious and generous God, you would probably tell me you know that.  But if you were suddenly to lose it or have it taken away, it is highly likely you would at least ask, "Why?".

That question, "Why?", can be a dangerous thing.  It's another one of those things we believe we have a right to expect...as if God needed to answer to us.  Ask Job how that worked for him.

We know from the book of Job that horrible things happened to him, more horrible than most of us have experienced in a lifetime, in just a matter of days.  At the end of four chapters of God's side, Job never really does get an answer.  God's answer boils down to, "I am God, you are not, and that is all you need to know."

We should be glad we get to know that much.  Considering what we actually deserve, anything we get from God is an amazingly generous gift!  We should learn to accept it, accept Him, count it all joy, and let everything else go.  He is more than enough.      

Let Me Count the Ways...

When I sat down to write this devotion, I began with a list.  It kept growing.  The list became the devotion.  It doesn’t just apply to me.  This is your list, too, and you don’t have to change it to make it personal to you.  God is universal in His personality.  He is the only one who can truly be everything to all people!  God, open our eyes to see it, our minds to believe it, and our hearts to receive it.

God loves me with an unquenchable love.

God knows me inside and out, coming and going, and He still loves me!

God is jealous for my love and attention.

God desires me.

God’s eyes are always on me, His thoughts are always toward me.

God is always with me; He will never leave me.

God delights in me.

God rejoices over me with singing.

God thinks I am a prize worth living, sacrificing, and dying for.

God is my champion, He goes to war for me.

God protects, delivers, and rescues me.

God helps me.

God equips me.

God counsels and guides me.

God teaches me.

God encourages and exhorts me.

God disciplines me for my benefit.

God cleanses and purifies me.

God heals me.

God cares for me and comforts me.

God’s heart breaks for me.

God is attentive to me.

God talks to me.

God reveals Himself and His thoughts to me.

God is creative in the ways He loves me and reveals Himself to me.

God listens to me.

God answers my prayers, even before I finish praying them.

God gives me the desires of my heart.

God loves me enough to say, “No”, when I ask for something that isn’t good for me.

God always keeps His promises to me.

God reminds me about Himself...He knows how forgetful I am.

God doesn’t mind reminding me, even if He has to do it 100 times a day.

God waits for me.

God is patient toward me.

God doesn’t take, “No”, for an answer.

God always reaches out to me.

God pursues me.

God lights the way before me so I won’t stumble.

God helps me up, should I stumble.  He doesn’t get mad at me because I stepped out of His light (which is why I stumbled).

God always gets me back on track when I wander.

God is faithful.

Love Letter

Abba Father God,

I love You!  I thank You for being my Abba!  I thank You for wanting me in Your family!  I thank You for sending Jesus to make sure I could be a part of Your family!  I thank You for Your Holy Spirit who woos me and draws me to Jesus, so I would see how lovely and how loving He is...how You are!  

Jesus, thank You for wanting me as Your bride.  Thank You for being the Lover of my Soul!  When my husband was courting me, he did wonderful things to draw me to himself, but no one, not even him, has wooed me like You did!  Like You still do.  Even though I have come to You and received Your love, Jesus, You still woo me.  You still draw me to yourself...You have never stopped and You never will.  There are some things my husband has stopped doing, or does not do as much, since I accepted him by marrying him, but You have never stopped drawing me to Yourself.  I am sure that is at least due in part to the fact that I do not love perfectly~I sometimes neglect You, or even look at "others" from time to time, so You do something to capture my attention anew.  I suspect, however, that it has a whole lot more to do with who You are!  You do love perfectly!  You never leave me, neglect me, or forget about me.  You are never indifferent, apathetic, or cold.  Your eyes never wander, and Your feet never stray from my side.  Your attentions toward me are always faithful, constant, loving, tender, sweet, intentional, genuinely unselfish, and insistent.  You know exactly what I need.  You know how to provide for me, to care for me, to console me, to guide me.  You are always looking out for me, and You always put me first, above Yourself.  You never force Yourself on me, but You will pursue and persuade.  You will draw me, and instill within me a desire for You.

Holy Spirit, You always speak to me on behalf of Jesus, commending Him to me, pointing out His excellence and praiseworthiness~like a best friend or "wing man" would.  You always remind me of the myriad of loving things Jesus has said and done for me.  You never fail to speak of His promises of love, assuring me of His affections toward me.  

I am so sorry I am not as faithful and steadfast as You are, Lord.  You deserve so much better.  I thank You, though, that You love me enough for the both of us.  You make up the lack in me.  I don't want to become complacent or lukewarm, though.  Please continue to fan into flame my passion and desire for You.  Please continue to stir up hunger within me.  Please continue to cause me to thirst for You, Lord.  Please continue to speak tenderly to me, to draw me in with Your words of love, Your words of life, for You are the life, Jesus!  I thank You for never giving up on me, Lord.  I thank You for Your dedication and devotion to me.  I thank You for loving me eagerly and earnestly.  I thank You for Your passionate and persevering pursuit of me, and for Your provision and protection.  I praise You and thank You for your kindness and caring.

I thank You for everything You are, for everything You do, and for everything You have given, in Jesus' Name,  Amen!     

Stumped

I know it has been a while but, right now, "I got nuthin'!"